Dependence

In every romantic relationship that I have had in my 27 years, I have been the main "bread winner."  My, and really our financial situation has always been in my control.  In one case (the most serious previous relationship), I was the sole earner.  I paid all of our bills on a measly 6 dollars an hour, and at 19 years old no less!  In the other cases, my finances have always been completely separate from those of my partner.  However, that is about to change, and I find it terrifying.

Within the month, I will have moved in with my boyfriend, and I will be giving up the majority of my financial independence.  ?!?!  It feels like, and really I am, giving up part of my power and laying it in the hands of another.  Mind you, I love this man more than I thought that it was possible to love, and I do trust him, but the concept alone is frightening.  And the whole "What if" question drums a beat through my brain.  The fact of the matter is, I will only be working a minimal number of hours, and will have an extremely limited amount of money. I will have virtually no disposable income.  The bills will be, for the most part, out of my hands.  It's scary!

I know that he wants the best for me, that he loves me and wants to see me succeed, and I am beyond blessed and grateful to have him in my life.  He is willing to do whatever it takes to see me get through college.  At the end of the day, that means a better life for us, and it certainly proves that he is in this for the long haul.  I know that something fairly severe would need to happen for things not to work out between us at this point, but still...holy Moses, giving another human being this much power over me and my life is NOT an easy thing to do!