Fear: a necessary and highly irritating aspect of the human mind. Most are irrational, but some are quite productive. I'm a fan of self-preservation and the lack of dying. Therefore, the fear of fire, murderers, most registered sex offenders, rubber bands, etc. are probably not a bad thing. However, it's the irrational fears that run our lives, and for what purpose? To hold us back? My personal example right now is my total and completely irrational and all-encompassing fear of my motorcycle at the moment. It's ridiculous! I have never laid it down, never been close to any sort of catastrophe, and I do great once I'm going. But starting it and turning right from a stop? Good gracious, you'd think that the world was coming to an end! I've started the thing without disaster so many times I can't count, and yet...the voice saying that I am going to stall it just won't shut up. It's ridiculous. I did get out today around the neighborhood on it...and it ended with my ass-dialing Justin when the carbs flooded and the battery died. Geez...
This leads me to disappointment. This fear is driving me insane! It disappoints me in myself. I expect more of myself, and I try to never let fear be the ruler of me. However, it is definitely winning this time and it's starting to seriously piss me off. Beyond that, Justin just doesn't understand my fear of this at all. He is getting frustrated with my lack of progress, and it's leading to an intense disappointment on his end. He wants desperately for this to be something that we can just share; he wants me to be easily able to just jump on my bike and ride with him. I am dying for his patience and understanding, and he can't give that to me.
Fear and disappointment...both are starting to run me over! I know that the fear is strictly a mental block, and the solution is just to build a bridge and get the hell over it. I understand all of this on an intellectual level. Now the question becomes how to actually get it through to myself.
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